Exactly DP_2017, "your heart doesn't know what your 'roles' are". I even told t something like that once I said "My heart wants what it wants" or something like that. I think perhaps the intense transference I had wouldn't have ever been so intense if t and I didn't genuinely like each other.

T said to me one time, that "This wouldn't work if we didn't like each other. You'd have stopped coming when the work got hard." I guess that's true. I've come through a long, crazy, painful and embarrassing period of intense, child-like attachment and maternal transference that could be both negative and positive and everything in between depending on the day. But we always somehow managed to talk through it. Even when we'd fight and ruptures would happen we'd always talk them through. And it was always my feelings about her that would make me go back.

I'm grateful for all of it now. But oh my gosh it could be painful.