hi t. i didn't get the appointment yet. instead i called the nurse line that our insurance provides from my car in the parking lot. i talked to a male nurse, which at first was a little weird because it's a female issue, but then i said to him "you're a nurse, you can handle it" and i launched right in and asked my question. he asked me some questions and i answered them honestly and he said go get the test. that from what i told him it sounded like it was to rule out the bad thing. of course he gave all the disclaimers and stuff. but he really helped me feel better about it. i'm going to call tomorrow and schedule it.

also t, this afternoon at work when i looked at my paycheck and found out they messed it up and i'm only getting paid for one week instead of two because of the mess they made with my denied FMLA claim, I almost broke down in tears right there at my desk. It was just too much on top of everything else this month. I sat there staring at my computer not seeing and wanting to sob. But i didn't. i took some deep breaths. I thought about you. I told my friend who sits next to me. she sympathized. I emailed my boss and said help me get it fixed.

as i walked to my car at the end of the day, i thought, i don't think i can continue handling all of this. And I decided I must be being tested. For what, I do not know.