Hi!
I am sorry you are feeling so "down" and hopeless.
Can we "talk" about this?
This sounds like depression talking. Depression is a "deceiver," making us think "it's over," when it isn't.
I understand there have been some real obstacles in your care. How is it going now? Do you currently have a pdoc and/or a tdoc? Are they each available to you when you need them? Can you get to appointments?
Which meds are you on? Are you able to follow a daily med regimen? Have you tried other meds?
Have you tried DBT training? I think you would find DBT very helpful.
Are you interested in finding something that works/helps?
Always good to hear from you. Sorry you are suffering right now. I think you can get to where you are doing better. keep "talking" here. Let's see if we can help in some way.

WC