I quit because I realized it was other people's pathologies I was feeding -- I was letting THEIR insecurity and whatever get to MY body.

Well, F 'em.

I refuse to take responsibility anymore for things I don't deserve. I didn't deserve what was done to me, so why am I still abusing myself once the other abuse stopped? It doesn't make sense.

I think this insight might have been the final cure for me. It's a hard habit to break, and often it's the first thing I think of when I'm overwhelmed, but if I think about cutting as giving in to "them," and not recognizing the progress I've made in spite of them or where I am now, I'm less likely to do it. I don't want to hurt myself because of the hurt that's been done to me. I want to stand on my own two feet, validate myself and my progress, and tell my abusers where they can get off (at least in my head, LOL -- not up to doing it in person yet).

My mom was my abuser, and I saw her over Christmas. She's 75 years old. She has a bad hip, her eyes and ears are going, she has osteoporosis. I'm probably 5 inches taller than she is now, outweigh her (sadly) by about 100 lbs., and you know what? She's an old lady and SHE CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO ME ANYMORE. She can still screw with my psyche, but I'm even getting better at controlling that. But as far as physical stuff goes, I'm not afraid of her anymore because there's nothing to be afraid of.

I guess this is progress, huh?

Candy