Quote:
Originally Posted by Myrto
I don't suscribe to the idea that an attachment to a therapist (don't like the term "transference") is necessarily about unmet needs from childhood. Wasn't the case for me. It's a fantasy. The fantasy of that perfectly attuned therapist who hangs on the client's every word, the idea of being completely fulfilled by one person, etc. It's very human of course to want that but it's not of this world because nobody will focus on you like that: not your spouse, not your BFF, not your parents, not your child. Nobody. Which is why it can be so intoxicating when a therapist does it. But it's not real and it is often a distraction as well: by focusing so much on the "relationship" the client forgets why they came to therapy in the first place, they stop looking for ways to improve their life and sometimes spend years in therapy to try to "resolve" it, to "work through it" . For what purpose?
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My marriage was what my T calls "two peas in a pod", and featured that intoxicating attentiveness and focus . It might be that I try to replace the feeling through my T, but for sure it is not the only relationship in which great intimacy has been a part. In a way, it is the oddness of not being allowed to reciprocate that keeps me puzzled and sort of hyper alert to my T- he seems like he thinks he is in the CIA hiding his identity. I don't want all the attention on me, bc it seems self absorbed and not charming whatsoever lol. The other thing is that he is a very good T, and he has dismantled defenses and asked for secrets and taboo topics etc. That kind of thing makes a bond, but it isn't made of all good things. It has some trust but some paranoia, it has some intimacy but some hatred- it is a strange brew compared to a real life relationship .