I actually did pick the fatherless children workshop to learn how I can help my son, so though it will be upsetting I hope it will be informative.

I just got done tying to work on the lesson for tomorrow and I have no ****ing clue what’s going on. I wish I could take a day off tomorrow but I’ve only been back a week. What does that look like, right? ****.

The anxiety is melting into a mild to moderate depression instead. I’m super exhausted but I think that’s to be expected, as I went from taking naps every day to standing on my feet for six hours. That might even out. I feel terrible though, I feel asleep yesterday after work and didn’t get dinner for my son until 7:15pm. He ate chips and m&ms before that I am awful. I’m just like my mother and I ****ing hate it. And yet I do nothing to change it.

**** I’m just horrible all around. I hate myself right now and I just hate everything.