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Originally Posted by Coming up tails
Do you think unresolved/long term transference is a sign there are genuine feelings also there, not just unmet longings from childhood,?
I think it could be. Either that or an unhealthy obsession/ fixation perhaps.
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I think it's same as with all the relationships outside of therapy. It's just felt more strongly in therapy.
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Originally Posted by Mouse_62
If the transference is, still unresolved after a long time. Then the therapy is, either not right kind or ineffective.
Of course there are deep genuine feelings having worked on such intimate emotions. But they don't overwhelm or occupy ones who existence.
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I actually think the transference in therapy follows the same trajectory of relationships outside of therapy and that it never fully 'resolves' itself, but it does lessen.
When 2 people 'fall in love', I think that is just a strong transference. After a while, the 'in love' feelings dissolve, and the transference will have the quality of being more resolved.
Really, what it is is just getting to know the person for who they really are rather than your idealized version of them (using the concept idealized liberally here). In therapy, there are parallel phenomena--not knowing the therapist allows a big space for the projections and transferences to emerge. Similar to when you first date someone. The 'in love' is the strong transference that emerges similar to how it does in therapy. I actually think the psychoanalysts back in the 1800s took this falling in love concept and used it in therapy.
I was aware of my transferences long ago, before starting therapy. Childlike feelings came out while dating. Didn't think of them as childlike back then, and they were playfulness and spontaneity. Amplified in therapy, I could connect them to childlike states as they were stronger and more isolated in that we analyzed them. But they are the same feelings both in and outside of therapy.