I am so sorry all of this happened to you today. I could feel the fear and rawness through the words , and it was very vivid and affecting. We might be half a world apart, but that post made me feel the times I've been wartorn and bleary-eyed from fighting with someone that surprisingly . When a conversation spirals out of control like this, and cant be reeled in by either side, it is terrifying. I think also though, bc it is so intense, intense, intense, it is oddly bonding. The two of you went through something today- you are hurting, and even though I am the first one to say T's don't care enough usually, these moments are exceptions. I picture your T ( C) baffled too by what transpired, and also hurting(?) or asking himself where he went so wrong in the session.

This has happened to me a few times with my T- he calls them "dust ups" , but only once was it near the level you describe and I am still in awe of the human capacity to suddenly destroy what we care about, and even do it together. It is almost like SH, to have that outpouring of the very worst thoughts, the ones we normally edit out and protect the other person from knowing about. It's very powerful, like the witches in Macbeth, a force of nature when emotion gets going with that velocity. I totally get the insult to injury part too- why did he allow this on a day you were pushed to your limit by outside events? That kind of failure of feeling when he is needed most, needed upmost, I think stems from a kind of stage fright he got- knowing you really really need him to be there, and then not being there and then panicking and then it all spiraling?

It seems like you have a dilemma - you don't think he has the experience and seasoning with parts and IFS's but you are bonded with him and want to stay?

I am so sorry this happened, and I really hope it ends well and makes a deeper bond. These moments in relationships define so much, in real ones and in T ones.