THIS:



And by that, I mean my video game character I created.
like literally, I'm crazy for even thinking this, let alone having falling in love even! I feel like such a dumbass for even saying about it. I dream every night (sometimes days, it varies) about having a real life spent with him. (Now I know I have another arising problem nobody wants to be around; next to being bipolar) together with this man (I mean, character) and days when i feel like i don't have anybody (which i don't) i sometimes remember that I have him to go to.
(Simply ignorant sounding right now, I know) Even though he doesn't speak back, i can hear it anyways. I'm wrapped, trapped & shrouded in my dreams by then, then everyone sees me staring into space for at least 5 minutes or so, sometimes longer. Wondering and just looking.
BUT, every time the thought of; he's not real~comes to my brain, the chain reaction thought: 'you don't and never will have anyone like him, looks, or compassionate like in your head'. Which leads to the final thought: 'look at your sorry ***, 22 life; 'you're a joke, you can't 3d model, or can't design and you need to die.'
So everyday, I *(!) myself hopefully * in my (*NO) so I CAN dream forever with him.
See what I am saying? Yet others stand in my way of doing so: death. Why?
Just why?
Thanks for listening to my crazy *** talk about a bizarre (sexual-fantasy maybe?) addiction like no other. No need to make up a story to try and relate, I know it's fake anyways.