Quote:
Originally Posted by Runcible Spoon
I don't think I have a secure attachment with my T. It's probably as close as it's ever going to get. But hey, that's my attachment style. I'm aware of it so I can mitigate the way my patterns of relating negatively impact on other relationships. I'm okay with not having a secure attachment.
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I never understood what attachment styles were until therapy with this T. Then I read the book, Attachment in Psychotherapy. My T talked about my early attachment issues when we discussed my problems in relationships. She told me my attachment to my mother was probably if the type called preoccupied, not secure. She may have implied, or directly told me that having a secure attachment to her would help me have a better sense of self and make up for what I didn't get as a child.
I just read the article Stopdog posted in the "sticky" section of this forum. I usually don't read those articles. This one is excellent! I see that my T is doing everything recommended to enable me to have a secure attachment style rather than preoccupied. The article states that our brains can be changed, something T has told me for years. Her focus on mind/body stuff and mindfulness/meditation is recommended. Preoccupied attachment goes along with anxiety, and that's me!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
I don't understand the "heartmates" thing. Seems childish. Or like trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. Anyways...
I think you do have a secure attachment to your T. I think you are actually insecure with yourself. Those insecurities you project onto your T when something triggers you.
I can finally say I have a secure attachment to my T. Of course, I have insecurities due to my past, and I too get triggered and project it onto my T. She knows this. She just reassures me, has me recount our times together, and reminds me it was all in the past. Then I go back to feeling secure with her again.
I guess you need to separate the past from the present. Old you, new you. Triggers, reality. If you're not triggered, you trust your T, right? And triggers come from the past. So the reality is that you do trust your T.
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Thank you. I agree with most of your post but no disrespect-- I am going to believe my T when she says I don't yet have a secure attachment to her and not anyone in this forum! I trust her but I can still have preoccupied attachment.
About heartmates being childish. I think it's child-like, not child ISH. Again, my T is helping to provide the same, secure feeling I didn't have as a child. I asked if she would have chosen a different word ( I told her the suggestions from my thread); she smiled and said "I like heartmates."
So I will ask her next session what it will look like when I have a secure attachment to her. She told me some of it on Wednesday but it did seem like I feel most of what she said. Hence my questioning about secure attachment. I'm glad you have a secure attachment to your T.
