I know I’ve asked this before but it’s still there and I’m still struggling with it.

I know that there is a “me” but I’m having a hard time sorting that out.

*** THIS COULD BE TRIGGERING ***

I have a trauma memory as an infant that goes black after a certain point.

A part of me actually drew this infant in session with my counselor present.

I can feel that part at times and I know she is real.

If the trauma and dissociation started at such a very young age and continued with other parts being made, how can there be a “me”?

How am I not just a vessel holding all of these parts who shift in and out?

How can there be a me when the real me was shattered from infancy and continued to split to handle what she could not?

Does that make sense?

I kind of think that you come into this world as you, basically, and you are shaped and taught and nurtured into who you really are.

If that doesn’t happen and you wind up as a shattered mess, where do you find the original me?

I feel like I’m a passenger in the car and different parts are continually shifting in and out of the drivers seat.

It’s so easy for me to visually see that analogy. I don’t know what to think of that.

Does that make sense?