I've been wanting to write about some of these for a few days now, but couldn't think of the words...I'm going to try now, though. Maybe they should go in separate posts on different boards, but I'm putting them here just to make life easier and in case any are linked. Apologies for the length!

1. I don't know what I want to do when I graduate any more. Well, I know what I want to do - car design - but I'm beginning to realise that this dream is just that - a dream. Looking round various websites, it seems there are two things I lack - an American citizenship, or fluency in another language. (A degree in transportation design would probably have helped, too - my degree in mechanical engineering seems to be too general.) No big deal, you might say - I'm only in my first year of my degree, I can easily find something else I'm interested in in the next four years. But what if I don't? I've already had the experience of being at a job I don't like for a month, and that was bad enough...the thought of dreading work for 40 years is a scary and depressing one. And that's if I even manage to get a job! So many applications seem to be looking for people I could never pretend to be - outgoing, dynamic, confident etc. - I'm none of these things. I'm a mouse. I'm scared to take responsibility in case I make mistakes. I'm nothing.

2. I got some bad news from one of my friends today. Well, it's great news for her - she knows who she's going to be living with next year now - but it's bad news for me, because I was hoping I'd be able to get a flat with her. I was too scared to ask in case she said no, and look where that got me. I have another friend on the course, but she lives at home, and I think she wants to stay that way, plus she's said her parents probably wouldn't be able to afford it if she lived in a flat (her older brother's living away from home, and I guess her parents are supporting him). So, it looks like I'm facing another year in halls. I guess that's not too bad - it's nice being "looked after" (our boiler broke yesterday and we had it fixed that evening, for example) - but I don't have much in common with my flatmates, and I'd be in with a whole different set next year if I re-applied for halls...and I'd probably have even less in common with them, because they'd most likely be first years. (Not many people stay in halls for more than a year here.) And I'm fed up with being woken up by people running up and down our corridor at 4am, the fire alarm going off when anyone dries their hair, the mess in the kitchen, the lack of freedom we get (no posters on walls etc.)...I was looking forward to being somewhere different, and now I've blown it.

3. Orchestra rehearsals start again in a couple of weeks - we just got given our schedule last night, and I don't know how I'm going to cope through February! One weekend is 10AM-10PM Saturday and 10AM-2:30PM Sunday; the next is 6PM-9PM Friday, 10AM-10PM Saturday and 10AM-10PM Sunday; and the one after that is 7PM-10PM Friday, 2PM-4PM Saturday and then the concert Saturday evening. I enjoy the rehearsals, and it's great having a chance to play as part of a group (playing in my room with a practice mute on just isn't the same...), but I don't know how I'm going to fit in things like food shopping, laundry, study... I guess it's possible, though, that I won't be needed for all the pieces - I'll find out when I get the music.

Any thoughts/advice would be much appreciated. These things aren't seeming quite as overwhelming now as when I first heard about them, but all the same...it's times like this I could really do with a Pensieve. (Harry Potter reference, in case anyone hasn't read the books. )