I did try to talk to him about it, but it really got out of control and was an anomaly. He said he felt shut down by my sudden sadness, that he did care, that he did think about his work outside the fifty minutes, that it is completely my choice if I tell him the reason I cancel and that he wouldn't get sad with me if I miss here and there, that there's not much difference between 5 sessions and 8 sessions if it is all ongoing.

I think the reason this elicted such a negative reaction from me is that he is worries and reads into it if I am 3 minutes late, and analyzes why; if I cancel he thinks it is resistance etc. I guess I just didn't buy what he was saying. It felt like a matrix mind game. On the other hand, it is petty to hang on to the issue.

It definitely was memorable how poorly we communicated and how we didn't understand each other's viewpoints at all. I told him I felt like he was daring me to quit, and then he kind of said this is escalating on its own and we don't want this. I agreed, I said I was sorry, and that I probably did overreact.

It could be the problem is I apologized when I wasn't sorry to kind of appease the situation, and he was quick to see it as my issue .

It is very rare for me to get in any kind of conflict with anyone, especially people for whom I care- the conflict itself scared me, and it never resolved, but just got shelved.

It left me with an aversion of some kind, to the same level of conversation and confiding, and a sense of faking it.