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DechanDawa · Feb 10, 2018, 06:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

It is TOTALLY the medication that is making me feel disconnected. I used to be very spiritual and be MOVED by things....the Earth, nature, the universe and even praying to God. Now nothing. Just emptiness where that faith used to be. But hey, I am stable right? Ugh. It's the pits.

I totally feel you on the struggle of quitting this, giving up that, and I am lost in a state of confusion just like you my friend but don't feel blue, because trust me you are not alone in this.

Drinking. Ugh. What a MOUNTAIN that is for me. I have struggled with alcohol my whole life, since I was a teen. Since I am bipolar, drinking has been my nemesis, and now being medicated, I am in even a deeper dilemma, because I found solace in drinking just a little bit here and there to keep me from blowing my top. But I KNOW its wrong, and I KNOW its a slippery slope, and oh, how I wish just getting wasted would just solve everything, but I think we both know, it totally won't.

Oh, and I was sober for an entire year, taking my medication every day, doing everything right, and STILL ended up hospitalized because I was completely out of mind. Explain that one?

Ugh. The struggle is real.

Thank you sooooo much for sharing. It really helps. I don't believe alcohol solves anything...although it does bring momentary relief. But I am no longer interested in momentary relief. Like you, I used to be moved by...OMG...everything. I was engaged, you know. I was interested in people and their stories, in spirituality (I have a Masters in Divinity)...in art, writing, nature, animals (I volunteered with horses) etc. etc. Now...I am bleh. I really hate to admit what kind of turns me on. For one...fashion. I have always been into fashion as a creative expression...and hate it when I am not thin and can't wear what I want. Next, sports. I am training for my first 10K this Spring. But I kind of don't know what I'm doing being new to the sport - and have had some sports injuries. Plus we just had a blizzard and I don't feel confident enough to run through the snow. Next...journaling and trying to get to the friggin root cause of things. That's it. It's sad. So sad.