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Originally Posted by LadyShadow
Oh you're so welcome! I am glad to be of help. Trust me getting this out, and bonding with someone over these things, is so helpful to me. It's been missing in my life for quite some time, as my friends who suffer with mental illness who I relate to, are impossible to relate to anymore, which has been a real struggle for me emotionally.
Alcohol doesn't solve everything, and I truly believe the Band-Aid it provides doesn't do anything but produce a hangover compounded with overwhelming guilt. So, yeah, I'd like to skip that please!
I so know what its like to be MOVED by things, and now its just bleh. I still have a need to hear people's stories, I mean I read blogs and of course I come here. But wow! A Master's in Divinity! I can only imagine what knowledge you have, totally jealous here!
Fashion has been such a highlight of life, especially living in a place like NYC, (Fashion Week is next week), and not being able to fit in the wardrobe I spent thousands of dollars collecting over the years, as well as the entire ROOM filled of shoes I have, is totally heartbreaking. I mean I CAN fit into the shoes, but who the hell wants to wear heels with sweatpants, and for that matter who the hell even wants to wear heels anymore? UGH!
As far as the sports goes, I really hope the injuries don't hold you back. If I had the drive or even the joy enough to run I totally would. But, in my world, walking around in my neighborhood, is completely boring and dull to me, where as being out in nature used to be a real thrill for me. Thank you medication! (Sigh).
If you need a push to do some journaling, I am more than happy to lend some advice. I don't journal anymore, but I do have a blog, and man, it is a Godsend to me! It's probably one of the only things I enjoy creatively anymore. But yes, its sad, but it doesn't have to be hopeless. Chin up!  |
I felt a bit sheepish mentioning the fashion...but obviously you understand. I grew up on the US East Coast and frequented NYC...my undergrad degree was in photography and I specialized in performance art photography. So I spent a lot of time in NYC...theaters, ballet performances...and, of course, shopping! In fact, I just got a pair of gorgeous lead colored leather boots (I'm in love) I ordered online from a NYC shop. I always read Vogue while in hot baths...
Journaling...I am a life long journaler so no problem there. I need to get onto more professional writing. The money stream...
I want to utilize my master's degree. Everything stopped for me when a huge depression came over me after my sister died three years ago. I had two good pt jobs in my field and gave them up which was stupid. Since then I have been trying to get out of a very stubborn depression and it goes on and on and on and on. Before that I think I was...maybe...slightly bipolar...but now...not really any highs at all.
I am waiting for a book I ordered written by someone I find truly inspiring...someone who has been through a really difficult life event...and who came out a warrior and a winner. This book is really my Vday gift to myself.
I do find inspiration in people's stories of overcoming adversity.
I loved my master's work and the field...but it seems like the depression took everything away from me. It is like I am starting all over...in an empty field of white...picking up new and tender tendrils to weave a new life. And I am not young.
Perhaps this medication you are on...it is good that it has stabilized you. Very good. And now you can create anew. I see you standing in a green field of new shoots coming up out of a fertile and grounded earth.
I love fashion and I know if I got back into my wardrobe it would lift my spirit. Call me shallow. I'm a Gemini! We are superficial! So now I am dieting like a demon as come Spring I will be wearing yellow. (Something you can't wear when you are heavy as it makes you look like an Easter egg!)
You are going to be okay, darling, I just feel it. Well, actually, I have always read your posts. For a long, long time. You are an interesting lady.