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Originally Posted by DechanDawa
I felt a bit sheepish mentioning the fashion...but obviously you understand. I grew up on the US east coast and frequented NYC...my undergrad degree was in photography and I specialized in performance art photography. So I spent a lot of time in NYC...theaters, ballet performances...and, of course, shopping! In fact, I just got a pair of gorgeous lead colored boots (I'm in love) I ordered online from a NYC shop. I always read Vogue while in hot baths...
Journaling...I am a life long journaler so no problem there. I need to get onto more professional writing. The money stream...
I want to utilize my master's degree. Everything stopped for me when a huge depression came over me after my sister died three years ago. I had two good pt jobs in my field and gave them up, which was stupid. Since then I have been trying to get out of a very stubborn depression and it goes on and on and on and on. Before that I think I was...maybe...slightly bipolar...but now...not really any highs at all.
I am waiting for a book I ordered written by someone I find truly inspiring...someone who has been through a really difficult life event...and came out a warrior and a winner. This book is really my Vday gift to myself.
I do find inspiration in people stories of over-coming adversity.
I loved my master's world and the field...and it seemed like the depression took everything away from me. It is like I am starting all over...in an empty field of white...picking up the tendrils and trying to weave a new life. And I am not young.
Perhaps this medication you are on...it is good that it has stabilized you. Very good. And now you can create anew.
I love fashion and I know if I got back into my wardrobe it would lift my spirit. Call me shallow. I'm a Gemini! We are superficial! So now I am dieting like a demon as come Spring I will be wearing yellow. (Something you can't wear when you are heavy as it makes you look like an Easter egg!)
You are going to be okay, darling, I just feel it. Well, actually, I always read your posts. Have for a long, long time. You are an interesting lady.
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Wow! How awesome that you have been reading my posts all these years, and here I thought I was just talking all this crap out into the void of PsychCentral!! And the fact that you find me so interesting? I am so flattered, my friend! But as much as I want to sit here and toot my horn, I am in awe of all the talents you have and how much you have explored too!
And don't even feel sheepish about your love of fashion, I mean what's not to love? And to have an undergrad in photography, again floored here! But you know, I will relish in the fact I did get to experience the many joys of NYC, much like you did, and don't even get me started on Vogue, that's like that bible. Lol. What I wouldn't give for a hot bath, to calm my crazy mind, but I honestly can't pull myself away from the computer right now.
I am so sorry for your the loss of your sister. Many hugs and all my condolences. I can understand how hard that must have been for you, and why you feel it fueled your depression. Have you ever spoken to a therapist about it? Or even a psychiatrist? I mean there are many spectrums of bipolar, even without the highs. Bipolar depression has been distinctly categiorized on its own, and it even has a medication dedicated to people who suffer specifically from the depression part, so the idea of being bipolar may not be as farfetched as you may think. But I DO understand that kind of depression. There was a time in my life where I think I stayed in bed for an ENTIRE year, it just like went by, while I slept my whole life away it seemed.
I understand where you feel the depression is weaving itself into your life so deeply now, and it is SO damn stubborn, and you feel like you are being robbed of everything, I wish I had magic words to tell you that it will pass, but I have learned thoughout my life, that there actually be an imbalance that causes this, and its not all mumbo jumbo, (as I always believed), so I urge you to try and see a doctor, or some professional if you can to help you through this.
I am glad you treated yourself to a V-Day present, I plan on doing the same thing, in a whole blaze of independant glory! I am actually turning it into a whole dramatic event in my honor, since I have to go out and face the world anyway that day. Inspiring books and stories always bring me so much joy, so I am sure this book will arm you with what you need. And psh, who says you are not already a warrior? Fighting depression is the ULTIMATE war, and you are a WINNER for being able to at least reach out and battle it.
But yeah, work on that rocking body, and wear that yellow, (I am such an fool I would probably wear a bright yellow shirt on Easter, egg or no egg!). And if you want to get going on that money stream of professional journaling and writing, well, there's no time like the present!