Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyShadow
Wow! How awesome that you have been reading my posts all these years, and here I thought I was just talking all this crap out into the void of PsychCentral!! And the fact that you find me so interesting? I am so flattered, my friend! But as much as I want to sit here and toot my horn, I am in awe of all the talents you have and how much you have explored too!
And don't even feel sheepish about your love of fashion, I mean what's not to love? And to have an undergrad in photography, again floored here! But you know, I will relish in the fact I did get to experience the many joys of NYC, much like you did, and don't even get me started on Vogue, that's like that bible. Lol. What I wouldn't give for a hot bath, to calm my crazy mind, but I honestly can't pull myself away from the computer right now.
I am so sorry for your the loss of your sister. Many hugs and all my condolences. I can understand how hard that must have been for you, and why you feel it fueled your depression. Have you ever spoken to a therapist about it? Or even a psychiatrist? I mean there are many spectrums of bipolar, even without the highs. Bipolar depression has been distinctly categiorized on its own, and it even has a medication dedicated to people who suffer specifically from the depression part, so the idea of being bipolar may not be as farfetched as you may think. But I DO understand that kind of depression. There was a time in my life where I think I stayed in bed for an ENTIRE year, it just like went by, while I slept my whole life away it seemed.
I understand where you feel the depression is weaving itself into your life so deeply now, and it is SO damn stubborn, and you feel like you are being robbed of everything, I wish I had magic words to tell you that it will pass, but I have learned thoughout my life, that there actually be an imbalance that causes this, and its not all mumbo jumbo, (as I always believed), so I urge you to try and see a doctor, or some professional if you can to help you through this.
I am glad you treated yourself to a V-Day present, I plan on doing the same thing, in a whole blaze of independant glory! I am actually turning it into a whole dramatic event in my honor, since I have to go out and face the world anyway that day. Inspiring books and stories always bring me so much joy, so I am sure this book will arm you with what you need. And psh, who says you are not already a warrior? Fighting depression is the ULTIMATE war, and you are a WINNER for being able to at least reach out and battle it.
But yeah, work on that rocking body, and wear that yellow, (I am such an fool I would probably wear a bright yellow shirt on Easter, egg or no egg!). And if you want to get going on that money stream of professional journaling and writing, well, there's no time like the present!
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On Vogue: What bugs me is how Wintour at the helm holds such tight reins and the mag is getting flattened. Needs new blood. More street fashion. It's lost its edge. I still read it and love it but if I had the money would get British Vogue. NY Vogue is insanely cheap. To subscribe...a dollar a month!
On therapy: I had a counselor from my health provider call me regularly all last year and she did nothing for me. I terminated. I have "complicated grief" about my sister on top of PTSD from the toxic relationship I was in at the time of her death. I called the grief counseling center after she died and the head of it (I knew her) said they couldn't handle complicated grief. WTF? I dislike therapy and therapists.
On a diagnosis: I paid over $400 out of pocket for one session with a psychiatrist from my health provider. He refused to give me a diagnosis. He said I was suffering from social isolation and life stress. My problem is I self-protect with medical professionals so they see me as very grounded but with life stresses. Who knows...maybe I am bipolar but hell will freeze over before anyone from the medical profession seems to get onto what would help me.
Online On Show: Well, now, my dear, you don't really know who is reading you now do you!?
It seems to me you always show up in the middle of the night and you are mysterious, shadowy, sensitive, and somewhat other-worldly. One simply doesn't know who is lurking and reading. I have a big (writing) mouth and when I come on I post a whole mountain of stuff. Then I disappear...on my Gemini winged heels...which is what I am going to do now. Take care. Always! Sobriety is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. It's a state of grace. Immerse yourself.
