krittle,

I truly hope that the child’s mother genuinely found out about the abuse the same time that you did. It turns my stomach to think that a parent would know about abuse and turn a blind eye and allow it to continue.

I can think of a few reasons why your husband might neglect you in the loop. But if I were you, I’d explain to my husband that: I love the children too, and I would really like to know what is going on and it hurts my feelings when you leave me out.

Put in that context, I think he will have to tell you why he neglects to give you the information, or be aware of the fact that he’s leaving you out.

This is going to sound very rude, but I have to say it. It is not about your feelings right now, it is about those poor children. In situations like this, something has to give, and sadly it seems to be your relationship with your husband. Since it seems that you genuinely love your husband and his children, it seems that the best thing that you can do imo is be supportive.

Putting hubby in the position to choose between you and his son's that are in need is not only unhealthy for your relationship, but it might permanently damage your relationship.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and the family, particularly the children.