Quote:
Originally Posted by SalingerEsme
I did try to talk to him about it, but it really got out of control and was an anomaly. He said he felt shut down by my sudden sadness, that he did care, that he did think about his work outside the fifty minutes, that it is completely my choice if I tell him the reason I cancel and that he wouldn't get sad with me if I miss here and there, that there's not much difference between 5 sessions and 8 sessions if it is all ongoing.
I think the reason this elicted such a negative reaction from me is that he is worries and reads into it if I am 3 minutes late, and analyzes why; if I cancel he thinks it is resistance etc. I guess I just didn't buy what he was saying. It felt like a matrix mind game. On the other hand, it is petty to hang on to the issue.
It definitely was memorable how poorly we communicated and how we didn't understand each other's viewpoints at all. I told him I felt like he was daring me to quit, and then he kind of said this is escalating on its own and we don't want this. I agreed, I said I was sorry, and that I probably did overreact.
It could be the problem is I apologized when I wasn't sorry to kind of appease the situation, and he was quick to see it as my issue .
It is very rare for me to get in any kind of conflict with anyone, especially people for whom I care- the conflict itself scared me, and it never resolved, but just got shelved.
It left me with an aversion of some kind, to the same level of conversation and confiding, and a sense of faking it.
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I could see how his response to how you were feeling about Christmas could have felt invalidating. For me, there's a part that is very much aware that my feelings surrounding my T missing sessions are coming from a place that is incongruent with the patient/doctor (or professional/client) relationship. At the same time, there are other parts that are like... but this isn't just any professional/client relationship; she's part of my life routine, the space with her is where I feel the safest, ... ... , and she's mommy (ok, yeah that's transference, it's still there and a part of me). I don't see how he honored and witnessed the parts of you that just wanted him there, just because. What I read in his response was him making it be about him and not about you. Maybe, I'm way off base here, as I was not part of the full conversation. I can see how it might leave you feeling like that part is not valued, important, or safe to voice its wants/needs. And yea, that can deflate the faith and belief in the process.
The part of resistance would bug me significantly. I really hate it when I feel like T is analyzing my every action. Sometimes it's just life. I come from work, sometimes someone grabs me as I am walking out the door or I get caught up in something and so on. This past Thursday I was 10 mins late, which is really late because they had blocked off so many parking spots I had to circle and circle to find one. I didn't have much time as I'm in the middle of a big project at work that had deadline this week. So, yeah, had she come at me as to why I might have been late as resistance, it would not have gone well for us.
I would agree that it has great potential to escalate on its own; and that is tough. You don't want to minimize your experience, you'll want to be able to explore what happened, why it happened, what about it fed what.. ect. Timing is important around this exploration. And this specific instance doesn't have to be explored, because if it's important, it will come up again (per my T).