I agree with Elio. I also think being able to have open, non-judgmental conversations (as many as you want/need!) without your T being defensive is so, so important. In my experience, those conversations are especially fruitful exactly when they are about things your T does that don't hit you the right way.

My T is flexible about scheduling things and careful about planning/announcing her absences. Sometimes she might gently ask if a certain behavior of mine has a deeper meaning, but she's quick to back off if I disagree or don't want to talk about it. It would feel disrespectful if she had one set of rules for her absences and another set of rules for mine. She assumes I have good intentions, which is good because I do.

SE, I also wonder if you would benefit from a T who offers outside contact, particularly if you're doing trauma work. My T sees that as part of her job. So yes, I'm still part of her job, but her responsibility (or willingness to support me) doesn't end when my appointment does. It makes a huge difference to my functioning and my therapy that she will spend a few minutes on the phone later if something big gets opened up in session and I can't close it back down by myself.