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I read a different thread and fel so much I just want to help somehow.... you are a terrific lady... speaking of monsters.... I thought I would reply here....

The monster is a good thing.... yes, it has it's ugly side.. yes, until you are ready... you need some control over it....

The monster gives you energy, spirit, dear friends, purpose in life, depth, perception, compassion, anger, fear, confusion, questions, answers, pathways, knowledge, soul......

In short... maybe he's everything about you... he's made you bitter, he's made you love....

Getting paid back by your monster is... using him to your advantage.... taking his power and using it to fight that which created him... he's filled you with heartache... you hate the things he presents to you... he defeats you at times with those things.... but you are stronger than those things sweetie... you have the choice of whether the monster wins, or you win.... you can take his issues to the frontline.... you can battle his issues face to face, hand to hand... you have somethng he doesn't have... a mind, and a heart... love does conquer... you are favored to win.... take those issues he stands for... look 'em right in the eye.... yes, they are ugly... yes, they are scary, yes, they've beaten you before... this is a new battle.... he's crying out to you that these things hurt... when will you do something about them??? Don't bandaid the problem.... don't bury it in wishful thinking.... take up the sword... attack the enemy... the enemy is not the monster.... the enemy is what made the monster.....

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius