Dustin, you have to keep posting, that's what we're here for, you have to keep working on it, keep trying to get the problem to work out, a little like a math problem.

I was in therapy 18 years with the same therapist, 9 years at a time with 9 years inbetween (so "knew" her 27 years). It is possible you will be in therapy most your life like I have been but it's also possible it will be with various therapists and/or breaks in time, etc.

There's a quote that helped me; "Your therapy should be the biggest thing in your life, but it is not the biggest thing in your therapist's life." Presumably your therapist's own therapy or life is the biggest thing in their life.

Can you concentrate on the therapy at all instead of the actual therapist? Surely you have several things that bother you in your life other than just this one problem? I use to, when I'd get stuck, drop whatever problem I had been working on and just pick up another one. Often working on a different problem for awhile would help me with the problem I couldn't make any headway with previously.

Don't I remember reading you were trying to look for a first job and finding it very scary? Have you done anymore on that? I graduated from college June 3, 1972 and it took until around October or November before I could get up the courage to go out and get a job! I didn't have many skills and even though I had a college education, I was too afraid of the whole ask-for-a-job thing. So, I finally was able to go to Sears Roebuck since they have forms to fill out and needed people in a kind of anonymous sense. It was easier asking a big "company" for a job than an individual in a smaller outfit. I got hired and all, that was okay, but I was placed in the finance department of the store and one of my jobs became to call customers who had applied for a Sears credit card and been turned down and tell them why they had been turned down!!!!! No way I could do that! So, I didn't make much headway on that pile of work and was miserable but they figured it out and transferred me to Customer Service (talk about out of frying pan and into fire!) but there I just had to call people to tell them their big ticket items they'd bought were out of stock and couldn't be delivered right away. I also got to call others and tell them they'd been restocked and set up delivery dates, much easier as you were making the customer happy :-) I've never thought about it before but I've "always" been afraid of phones and maybe it was made worse by that job. No wonder I'm scared, a bit of trauma there with people getting mad their stuff isn't in stock. :-)

But how are you doing in the rest of your life, Dustin? Yes, you're afraid your T is going to go away and maybe you can't stop thinking about that but there also isn't a whole lot you can do about it so you might as well get fatalistic about it and just keep working until? Did you graduate last May? I forget. What subjects were/are your favorite?