(((((Gwydion))))) I am so sorry for your pain and confusion.

Esthersvirtue is exactly right, the choice was taken from you. I child cannot consent. The fact that you were conditioned to accept and seek out the abuse as you got older doesn’t negate the fact that you were abused and your brother was wrong.

Cyran0, as usual you’re right on. When you put it into perceptive of “what if it were my child” things are in a different light.

I think the fact that the wood that you attack represented your brother’s genitals is very telling and that perhaps you’re not as at peace with the situation as you think you are. I wish you the very best!

I’ve avoided this forum for a long time because it interferes with my own denial. Maybe you also enjoy Egypt? (((((hugs)))))