I've posted on this before, but I just can't get past it. I hate feeling "normal". I'm not super happy nor am I sad. I don't feel bad. I feel a little better than flat, but every time I really think about how I feel, it just makes me hate life. I don't want to go through life feeling this way. Both my therapist and psychiatrist say that it is okay to feel this way and I will eventually get used to it, but I don't think I will. Friday I started feeling how I want to feel all the time. I was very up, very happy, had lots of energy, borderline hypomanic or possibly even was hypomanic. It felt great. I actually liked life. I didn't feel like I was just existing. It felt like life had a purpose.

I guess I just needed to rant. I hate feeling like this. Its getting bad. I'm not adjusting. I almost want to start lying to my pdoc and therapist so I get something to bring me more up.