I can relate to what you're saying, and I don't think it's as simple as just "stopping it" or "getting over it." I have partly come to terms with it, partly not. I think as I heal, I'll be more and more able to cope with the idea of T not being in my life forever, tho I think I will *always* wish she could be. And why not? I love her.

But I have an amazing T, and she's helping me find peace in this. Some of the things that my T has said about this have really helped me, so I'm going to share her perspectives in hopes it will ring true for your relationship with T as well.

When I wanted her to promise she would stay in my life, she said that she couldn't promise that and, although she knew it would be music to my ears, she would never make a promise to me that she didn't know for sure she could keep. She said she had no plans of going anywhere, but in essence, life happens. She felt that it would do me more harm if she did promise to be around forever, then didn't keep that promise for whatever reason. I agree with that.

Another time when I was really struggling to get through the weeks between sessions (I traveled several hours to see her, and so only saw her every 3 weeks)... she told me that even when I can't see or talk to her, she is always with me, because when you love people they become a part of you. She said that, in all the time we'd spent together and all the things we'd taught each other, she had already irreversibly woven herself right into my heart. It's true! She is a very big, very much alive part of me and she always will be, no matter what. T encouraged me to keep her "with me" in my heart all the time. Then, she sent me the lyrics to the Michael Jackson song "You Are Not Alone." It really comforted me.

Another day has gone, and I'm still all alone
How could this be you're not here with me?
You never said goodbye. Someone tell me why
Did you have to go and leave my world so cold?

Everyday I sit and ask myself how did love slip away?
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
You are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
You are not alone

Just the other night I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come and hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers. Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand, then forever can begin

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Then something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
And you are not alone

Whisper three words and I'll come runnin'
And girl you know that I'll be there
I'll be there

You are not alone
I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
You are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart


T told me that it makes her sad when someone is so worried that she might go away some day, they can't even accept the love that she's offering right now, today. It would be a shame to miss out on a healing, loving, bonding experience with someone you feel really connected to and care about... because you're afraid they'll leave.

It's sad, but true, that nothing lasts forever. You can't promise T you'll be around forever either. Nobody can guarantee they'll be there for you tommorrow, because the future is uncertain. But the important thing to remember, and to hold on to if you can, is that your T is offering you some caring and tenderness right now, in the present. You can live in that present, and surround yourself with what she gives... or you can choose to live out your worst fears today and everyday, unnecessarily, by constantly obsessing about her leaving. If you take that route, she might as well already be gone, because you're missing out on her anyway.

Best of luck to you on your journey.