My T is going to try and help me again tomorrow in understanding why with each dilemma I face and become disappointed with, I crash to hopelessness, and suicidality. If I can just remember this, that would be good... but it's so automatic to crash... there's no thought involved, I'm there before I realize it.

I don't know if he will be able to "get through" to me in tomorrow's session... it just seems that stuff my brain "knows" it doesn't learn.. or hears... it doesn't learn... and only recognizes it when the T tells me again.. and again...and again
...to the next time, and after the time after that... when I say, what's wrong with me, why can't I learn this? .... ah garbage.. I can't remember what he says even for that! I know he answers.. I'll try to remember to post it here... heck I'll try to remember...