Eve,

I also have made poor choices and fell for narcissistic men by and large, why do you think you make poor choices and wrong steps all the time?

I made a mistake that if I slept with someone for months that must mean we were in a relationship and therefore I was "Not Alone" [which could be a substitute for "Not Single", or it might not, idk...]

and I felt better because I was "Not Alone". I wanted so much to be in a relationship that I didn't look past that to their underlying character, or indeed I was attracted to narcissistic types (I doubt that would be true anymore, I have no idea what type I could be attracted to now which is kind of weird being 54).

I think it is an underlying confusion about what being in a relationship means, or maybe not a full relationship but at least "Not Single"...

I believe my underlying confusion about basic terms is why i made the same types of poor choices over and over again.

So the problem is really not the choices but the thoughts and ideas about really simple things, like what does it mean to be single. Is the first thought, oh I don't want that feeling of being alone forever, or is that thought there when evaluating mates or

do we really want to be in a long term relationship or not.