I should probably clarify my position too -- I am not suicidal, or near that -- just defeated inside. I can't afford to stop the world around me to catch up (call into work, or the opposite extreme work extra hours etc. or at worst in patient..). I can't afford my therapist right now so I'm just having to rely on those coping skills I learned. It still makes it damn hard everyday. There has got to be more to life than this -- I know there is, I've experienced it. This isn't OK. This isn't me... I don't want to live like this.