I read this article on marriage: https://waitbutwhy.com/2016/09/marriage-decision.html.

I found it quite intelligent and then I felt this urge to send it to one of my exes, because I felt like he needs it. I don't know why I felt like he needs it, it could just be some sort of superiority complex forming as a defense mechanism, or maybe I genuinely thought he needs it for some reason because he said twice in the two years we've been separated that he was struggling with relationships ever since what happened between the two of us, or maybe I just felt some connection to it and what happened to the ex "us" - I don't know exactly, but there was an urge to share it with him.

Anyway, I logged into Facebook, because I removed him from my emailing list so that I can't upset myself by sending him ****, and saw on his wall that he is moving into an apartment together with the girl he's been with since he left me.

They've been together since he and I broke up 2 (and a bit years ago) until now. They are obviously very happy together, they aren't on-and-off like my relationship with him was (or how most of my relationships are), they move forward and grow, and take next steps in the relationship together.

I'm upset because a part of me believed our relationship failed because he was immature and not the kind to commit - OBVIOUSLY now, that can no longer be considered the case. This means I have to accept, it wasn't him, it was me. Which I sort of already knew, but I always believed in part it was him too - but this disproves that. This proves that it was entirely me and that hurts like a mother****er. It's always been entirely me that is the problem, and that hurts because I can't figure out why it's me that's the problem.

I've learnt from and changed myself in every new relationship I enter to try and not repeat my same mistakes but it always falls apart and I always end up back at square one. It's the most ****ing difficult problem ever and I can't solve it, and that makes me feel inferior because it comes so ****ing easy to other, normal people. Even other abnormal people manage this part of life, so why not me? I feel like something obvious that everyone else has is missing from me and i can't figure out what it is.

I fall deep in a relationship (not always quickly but eventually) and I get seriously ****ed up hurt each time it falls apart - but I keep failing at it and the people that hurt me keep succeeding at it. I do not understand why life is happening like this, none of this makes sense to me - I do not understand at all.

This isn't the first time either - people usually end up much happier once their relationship with me ends and they move on. Their "move on" relationship usually becomes their life-long relationship. But everyone always says they love me while we are in a relationship - if they loved me, really loved me - the way I love them, why did they leave? What's wrong with me that makes people leave? Why are they exponentially happier with other people? What is that core ****ing difference between me and other people that I can't see and assimilate????

Why am I so massively different from other people that I can't form anything that is worthwhile in my life? What's wrong with me and how do I change it so that I am still me but in a way that people genuinely love - the way I love them?

Besides looks, boobs and being girly - which she has and I don't - what's wrong with me? Or is it exactly that? Is it that I am not enough of a girl for men? I don't want to change that. I want to be me, but I want to find a guy who likes me exactly the way I am - as just another guy, but with a vagina.

I am extremely jealous of their happiness, and that of others' - everyone achieves some sense of success or happiness - in work and in relationships, why am I struggling? What's wrong with me?

I'm not okay, I hate them now. I don't want to hate them but I do. I hate having emotions, they are ****ing useless and get in the way of everything!

I hate them for their success and happiness, I wanted to be her, I wanted to have what she has - it was originally mine AND it was the happiest time of my life. Why did I lose that? That was my dream. Why does my dream keep going to other people?

I hate them for being stronger and better than me. what do I have to do to stop people taking what is mine?

! Just to be clear I am referring to the life, not the guy. The life, the dream, is mine and I feel like others keep taking it. Not the guy individually, there have been many guys with whom I have held this dream, all of whom ended up having exactly that dream of mine with some other girl who makes them far happier than I ever did but they still had the sickness inside of them to tell me I do make them happy and they love me.