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Originally Posted by peaches100
I've operated on the assumption that other people can't tell that I have a dissociative disorder. I work a full-time job and take care of responsibilities. Sure, I have an awful memory, and I have a horrible sense of direction when I drive. And people probably see that I'm an emotionally sensitive person. But I have thought that this is ALL that they know about me.
Now that my t has told me I have DID, some of the things my husband has told me in the past are starting to make sense. Like how some people misread me easily, and how I seem different at different times. I've been looking back at my life and realizing that even though most people would probably say I was a compassionate, nice person, others have thought me to be stuck up or worse. I've been blamed at times by close friends or family for thoughts or motives I don't have. I've always wondered why it's so hard for people to understand me. I've also wondered why, if people generally like me, nobody seems to want to get to know me more than very superficially.
I'm starting to fear that maybe people have been seeing all along that I am dissociative. Maybe they have witnessed me saying and doing things that look confusing or contradictory. Maybe I seem "weird" on some level...enough so that people are cordial, but not friendly. My dad even called me a good actress once when I was telling him how I honestly felt. My husband says he thinks sometimes I don't actually know what I feel, but the truth comes out in my actions.
I'm sorry for rambling...I'm just starting to feel scared knowing that there's probably more wrong with me than I realized, and that other people might see it too.
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your post makes lots of sense to me, and I have had the same thoughts, questions after I was diagnosed. what helped me was that my treatment providers told me everything that was happening to me in the present was the same things that have always been happening. even if I didnt have a mental disorder others around me others around me would notice normal things, normal range differences, then she gave me a homework assignment.... to watch others, go somewhere public and notice how often people tell each other things like..... that was strange or weird, or boy your memory is bad today, or in general misreading each other is happening. After I did that I realized what people were seeing in me as strange, weird, or confusions/ misreading/ not understanding something I was saying or doing was just people being normal people and they really didnt notice I had did. they may have noticed my switching but to them I was just how ever I normally was. I mean it wasnt like I just one day out of the blue I sat on a sofa holding a blanket and eating a peanutbutter jelly sandwich right after eating a full meal, or I didnt just suddenly one day out of the blue change my clothing 5 times, or just one day out of the blue switch from talking like an adult to talking like a child. whether I knew it or not I had DID from the moment of the first alter who came into being before I was 5 years old. to people outside me thats what they saw everything that I was from before I was 5 all the way up into adulthood.
what changed was just my perception ......After..... diagnosis. and in some people in my life their own perceptions changed .....After ..... they were told I had DID.
I remember this one friend in my life, I thought lets see what she thinks. I told her about my having DID. from that moment on she was constantly saying things like so when we did this that was a switch right, or when we were doing this and I thought you were a bit weird it was that right. I did something to her one day. I took two glasses of water both water nothing else in it. first I handed her one glass and said tell me what you think of this water. her answer tastes like water. I picked up the other glass of water drawn from the same bottle of filtered water as the first one and said try this its lemon water what do you think. even though they were both one and the same, poured from the same bottle of water she said the second one was a bit sour and citrus-y. I said are you sure you are tasting lemon in it. she said yes. I showed her the bottle that I had poured both glasses of plain water from. she said wait what happened. I said power or suggestion, you now know I have DID so you are going through our lives together and through the power of suggestion thinking you saw this and that in me. before i told you did you think anything was strange, weird, her answer no and I told her politely to stop it. I am the same as I have always been, theres just a name on how I have always been.
after that she didnt try and dissect my life trying to notice when i was weird or strange. the fun side of this was as I was going through therapy and healing and integration people noticed I was changing and wanted me to go back to normal, they thought how I was after integration was my being weird/ strange and noticing differences.
my suggestion is dont worry about what others think or say now that they know you are DID. you are how ever you are and how you needed to be in order to survive.