I should point out; this question is purely hypothetical at this point. It’s aimed at either someone in a relationship, or someone who is “dating” and romantically interested in a person, but has no desire for sex. There’s no one in my life right now and hasn’t been for a while. I do want there to be someone, but for a long time I’ve been confused about my sexuality and that, among other things, has really held me back from even trying to meet someone. Anyway…

I’ve always found sex to be a bit of an odd subject. Like most people growing up, I was curious about it. I assumed I’d have it one day, but I was never particularly bothered about when that would be. I’m in my mid-20s now and, while I have had sex a couple of times, I never found it to be extremely pleasurable. I’d never go out looking to hook up with someone for a one-night stand or casual sex, and sexual attraction has never been high on the list of characteristics I looked for in potential partners. For me, a partner/companion has been primarily to do with an emotional connection and how comfortable I feel around them, rather than whether I want to have sex with them. I’ve also noticed my sex drive decrease over the last 18/24 months or so from “low” to “virtually non-existent”. Thoughts of sex (and my very few/brief sexual experiences during this time) have left me feeling uncomfortable, insecure, upset and even unwell. I don’t know if I’m ever going to want to have sex again, and I don’t know what to do about this.

For the most part, this is fine, as it doesn’t affect my day-to-day life in any significant way. However, in the romantic/dating world, it plays a pretty huge role. Sex is a massive part of relationships (especially early on). (Note: This is slight conjecture and is based on the people I know. Maybe I know a lot of people with high sex drives, or just a lot of people who are outspoken about sex, but a large majority of the people I know like sex, like having sex often and think of people (in a relationship) who don’t have sex as weird.) Statistically, if you don’t want to have sex, you’re abnormal. Even couples who start off slow are going to have sex eventually.

I currently have no desire to have a sexual relationship with anyone (basically any physical sex acts (I could make a list)), but that doesn’t mean I don’t want a romantic relationship (I’m fine with stuff like cuddling, kissing, non-sexual touching etc.) My difficulty/concern here is how and when do you mention this to a potential partner? Do you mention it early, so you know right away whether they’re not right for you, or do you leave it longer, to wait and see whether you actually connect first? I don’t want to be alone, but I also don’t want to be left by someone because I can’t give them sex.

Extra things I need to mention:
- I know not everyone in a relationship is happy (all of the time)
- I know not everyone who is single is sad (all of the time)
- I know you shouldn’t rely on any other person to make you happy
- I know you need to live your life for yourself first and, if you’re happy, you’re more likely to meet someone and to have it be a healthy relationship
- I know you shouldn’t be with someone who makes you unhappy, as that does no good

I see the above written in all kinds of articles (e.g. about meeting people, feeling happy about yourself etc.) and I feel I have to make it clear that I know these exist before anyone tries to mention them.

I think that’s everything for the moment. I’ve probably explained some unnecessary things too much and some important things too little. I’ve never really spoken about this to anyone, so that may be why I’ve rambled a bit. If there are any questions, please ask away and I’ll answer as best I can. I’d just really appreciate some advice if anyone has any. Thanks.