I wish for everyone to be well. Again, thank you to anyone, who reads or reads and replies to the thread.

Lately, I am still questioning my responsibility in what happened and how what happened. Additionally, I seem to still blame myself for the fallout and prior history to her dumping me. (I guess that I will say that I think that I both understand and acknowledge that the past is nonexistent now and to reflect on hypotheticals may not be healthy and/or helpful.)

A source of inner struggle for me has been (I stress the present perfect of "has been" because I am trying to be ok without her) how I still love her and both deny myself my love for her (e.g. no interaction) and acting on that love for her (e.g. not trying to contact her,) yet she seems more than fine and well to not be in each others' lives. She was the world to me and brought such meaning to the world and life for me. Now, she, that meaning and that world are gone, yet I am still here. With that said, I am attempting to heal, to continue with me in my life and not be in any interaction whatsoever with her.