Here's my situation. My father's a control freak. My mother's an enabler for him. I'm engaged to someone I don't really love because I don't want to be alone. I found out a few days ago I found out that the person I do love went off with someone who is definitely not suited to her yet again as if she didn't learn from the first time. I'm in my mid 20s with ADHD and Anxiety disorders and an IQ of 185. Yet I have been rejected in 36 Intervews back to back so I'm unemployed. It's getting harder and harder to get out of bed everyday. I've hit a wall in my research and haven't made any progress in the last year.

I want to scream into a canyon.
I want to punch everyone around me in the face.
I want to curl up and never get up again.

I feel nothing. I don't feel empathy. Family doesn't interest me. About the only thing I feel is the rage built up over the years of physical abuse by my father that never got out. Yet I find myself oddly calm, not a good calm but creepy calm, almost evil. I have no idea what I have become.