Hello Chocolate: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I don't know as I have any particular insight into the dilemma you describe. But, based on what you wrote, my thinking is that the first thing you need to do is to resolve your marital situation once-&-for-all, possibly with the assistance of some couples counseling with your husband, in addition to the therapy you're receiving yourself. Then, assuming your marriage comes to an end, get out on your own for a while before you dive into any new relationships. (From what you wrote, I think you already know this is the way to go.)

I would also say, though, that this other man you're involved with sounds as though he has some real mental health issues. (It sounds to me as though he may be something of a narcissist. I don't really know though. That's just a guess on my part.) However you decide to handle your marital situation, I would highly recommend you think twice before you continue your relationship with this other man... whether on-line or in person.

Here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives that may be of some interest:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/psych...ght-up-to-men/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/4-step...ng-infidelity/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/can-yo...vive-cheating/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/4-warn...-a-narcissist/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-ar...-a-narcissist/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-da...s-narcissists/

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to hang in here with us. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!