T today. We sat down. He said he had me on schedule for Friday (I'd texted him last week--he does scheduling by text--to see if he had extra session). I thanked him for that, saying I'd asked because we'd talked about twice a week anyway, and he would be out next week. He said it made sense.

He said he'd be checking e-mail daily next week, but wouldn't be taking phone calls or, obviously, meeting with anyone. Did I want someone else's name just in case, or would I just contact MC? I said I wasn't sure...did he have someone he normally used as a backup? He said yes, but she'd just given birth. That he had another name he could give me, but had no idea how quickly I could get in with her if I wanted. I said I'd think about it, that I'd probably be fine.

I said I was a bit concerned because my mother-in-law is having surgery next week and isn't in best of health. We discussed the surgery a bit.

He asked what I wanted to talk about today. I said I didn't really want to talk about our relationship. He asked why, and I said because we'd spent the last two sessions talking about it. Plus I felt good about how discussion had gone with him Wednesday. He said, "Good. I'm glad." I said, "I'm glad, too!"

I said how last week we'd said we needed to talk about my mom more. He said he remembered that and how he had a good worksheet for me. I said, "Like homework?" He said yes. That it was from Imago, which is more for couples, but that anyone he's given this worksheet to has found it helpful. He said he'd just have to find it. Went to his filing cabinet, starting digging and said, "If this takes more than 3 minutes, I'll just find it later and give it to you Friday." About 30 seconds later, he said, "Aha!"

Worksheet involves listing positive and negative traits of my parents--but he said to think of how I perceived it in childhood, not how I see it now looking back. Then another part, I list positive childhood memories and what emotions they evoke. Then the last part is frustrating stuff from childhood and my behaviors--not emotions--in response. I said what if I was frustrated but did nothing? He said choosing not to act and just accepting it is actually a behavior. I said, "Oh, I see..."

I said maybe we could wait till I fill that out and discuss mom/parents in Friday's session. He asked what else I wanted to discuss. I said some friends from middle/high school who I didn't see very often who I'd be seeing in a couple Sundays.

I talked about my best friend from high school, reminding T of who she was, how she tied into the stuff with the teacher--he said he remembered that, didn't know she was same person I'd talked about then. He pulled out his notepad and said he wanted to take a couple notes to be sure he'd remember. I said I appreciated that.

Gave a bit of history of friendship, some about her personality (very different from me!), how often we used to talk, how friendship went away after I had D 6 years ago. How we'd talked/texted a few times since then, but never fully resolved what happened. And we'd chatted on Messenger a few weeks ago, were kind of reconnecting. She told me about a sort of relationship with a mutual friend without disclosing who it was,but was giving all these clues. T said it was odd she was sharing all that information, like she wanted me to figure it out. I said yeah, did seem that way. And that I'd made error of mentioning that to H because I couldn't figure out who she meant.

So later that evening, H was rather drunk. He messaged my friend to say I was going nuts trying to figure out who the person was. I was like WTF??? to H. Like, "You don't do that!!!" I told T I'd sent multiple apologies to friend, saying I knew I'd messed up and that I was really sorry. But hadn't heard back...and then I might be seeing her at this group thing in a couple Sundays...

T seemed bothered by H's actions. He asked me if he'd apologized. I said he'd said sorry but didn't seem to understand why it was such a big deal. But for me, it was like I'd revived and killed a friendship within the same day. T said it was a bit concerning that H didn't seem to understand it being a big thing. He asked if he had a pattern of stuff like that. I said not really...that well, he did tend to disclose stuff when he was drunk (like stuff about our lack of sex life once), but it wasn't that often.

Discussed expectations in marriage/partnerships about sharing stuff and confidentiality. Differences between different people, between men and women, etc. I threw a Seinfeld reference in there (from when George first got engaged to Susan, Jerry told him something, he shared with Susan, it got back to Jerry--T said that sounded familiar to him).

Another friend in group came up, and I mentioned how I'd "dated" him in 7th grade, but it was never more than a few hugs. T laughed and said, "Oh, but those hug cooties last forever!" I laughed, too.

I said I wanted to talk about another friend, too. He said, "Oh sorry, we started talking about H." I said it was OK, that it was helpful. I said it was a friend I'd mentioned before, how I had a complicated relationship with him, that we'd dated briefly in high school, ended up kissing a few times, had planned on losing virginity together (didn't). T said, "Sounds like one of those friends where you say, 'If we're not married by age x, let's get married and/or have a baby together.'" I said it was funny, because we actually *had* made an agreement like that at one point!

How he'd gotten married years before me, asked me to be in wedding, and I ended up declining, since I'd thought we'd end up together (so painful)...he said how he knew I just wasn't what he wanted, or something like that, something painful. T made a sympathetic "Mmm" sound to that.

Talked about how he was one of few people I'd told about something bad I'd done a couple years ago, how he'd seemed extremely judgmental of me. Like still gave me big hug at end of lunch, but... How we'd texted briefly once after that, with me wishing him happy b-day, him asking how I was doing and hoped I was OK. I said yes. That was nearly 2 years ago.

Since I might be seeing him in a couple weeks, I sent him an e-mail asking if he still thought of us as friends...how I wasn't sure, that I hoped so. Haven't heard back.

Told T that's why I'm really nervous to see these people in 2 Sundays...one is likely still mad at me, another might still think I'm an awful person...and the others there won't have any idea what's up. T said maybe we just need to all be together in person, that seeing each other, looking in each others' eyes will help. He asked who else would be there, I mentioned D and a couple other kids. He said that should help, too.

He said how many misunderstandings can occur over e-mail/text/messaging, that in-person is so much better. I said yeah, how he prefers in-person sessions. He said that way, when he's talking to someone, he can see how they're reacting and adjust what he's saying accordingly. I said, "Well, that makes me feel kind of self-conscious!" He said not just with me or clients, with anyone he talks to. But with me, for example, if he's saying something and I start to look upset, or anxious, or bored, he might shift what he's saying or how he's saying it.

So he said he hoped seeing the friends would go well. I said I also felt bad because the other day I'd invited friends I usually see every few months for brunch and hadn't heard back. Like...have I messed up all my friendships somehow? (Well, aside from some online friends). He said, "I don't think it's really like...what's that show, with the four women in New York that everyone watched?" Me: "Sex and the City?" T: "Yes! I don't think friendships tend to be like that as adults, where they do everything together." I said I agreed...but my mom still had some friendships like that--I mean, not brunch every week, but still seeing them frequently, so I felt kind of like a failure for not keeping up with that. He said he thought that was pretty rare.

I asked if we should schedule for the week he gets back (I'm already scheduled for this Friday), how ex-T and MC tended to get booked up quickly, so that's why I tend to be so worried about scheduling. He said sure. I said we were seeing MC for first time in a month that Monday, so we scheduled for usual 1:30 Tuesday slot.

Went over to desk and paid. He said, "Good luck" as he shook my hand, then "See you Friday." I said, "See you then. Thanks." And headed out.