I don't know how to answer this question, really but here's what I've seen --

She's been more than capable of getting really angry at me (using bordering-on-foul language that she later says she can't recall using).

That is real. However, that's real in the context of her interaction with me and my needling her -- so, who's to say if she's really like that in 'real life'?

I think the one significant (there have been lesser earthquak-y ones) glimpse I got of her (which I wish I hadn't gotten) was when she was telling me in excruciating detail as to how she decided on Xmas lists and who gets what and all that good stuff.

It was this really detailed hell-bent-on-adhering-to-super-rigid-social-norms (or that was my uncharitable explanation) kinda way of doing things.

It freaked me out a bit because it's so far removed from how I'd even begin to think about gift-giving, holidays and the like and it made me wonder how she and I actually manage to get along in session at all. And, reinforced the notion that we'd never even have made it on each other's radar, let alone tried to get to know each other, had we met in any context but therapy.

Other than that, my other slightly uncharitable observation is that she can be super school-marm-ish -- I've seen that in session too and from stuff she's told me about how she looks at her life outside of session.

I do believe that she's in general a person who tries to be compassionate and do her best to be kind i.e., that she's not deliberately malicious -- that seems like a low bar to cross but in all honesty, this is a new realization for me about a human being (given what I grew up with etc).