I need to add to your comment: "I know... that this eating disorder is my fault... that I am doing it... but help...IRL would be so very appreciated" Your ED is not your "fault." It is the fault of the scum sucking bottom dwellers that abused you. NOT YOUR FAULT. NOT YOUR FAULT - It is one of the terrible burdens that the creeps left you with - it is their fault absolutely - NOT YOU FAULT.

Also, in AZ with some of the grocery stores you can shop on-line and order on-line and they will deliver your food for a very nominal fee - I have had to do that before. Are there any stores in your area that do that?