My Support Forums - View Single Post - Dear T.....I Really Need To Tell You Something (But Don't Know How) Part XXIX

annielovesbacon · Feb 14, 2018, 01:31 AM

T,
Everything is resurfacing. I thought this trip was supposed to make me feel better. But I feel worse, AND I feel guilty for feeling worse, because I'm supposed to be enjoying this and having fun. It's supposed to be my trip of a lifetime, something I'll never have the chance to do again. I'm so lucky to be here but instead I'm wasting it.

Possible trigger:

I'm drinking in secret again, I can feel myself starting to fall back into the pattern of abusing xanax, I don't think my ED thoughts will ever go away, I've even considered self harming (I've been clean for so long that you don't even know I used to sh), I feel suicidal often.

Why did I ever think it would be a good idea to go so long without mental health support? I can't do this on my own. I need you, and I miss you like hell.
Annie