Don't know his age but high functioning autism (aspergets as it was called) wasn't even known about in the US to diagnose until 1994. My H at that time was in his mid 40's

That was wjen I started goung to therapy after having a breakdown in 1994. I found it amazing that even thpugh he went to all my T appointments at the end & we had therapy together & the behaviors were quite obviously causing serious oroblems in our marriage that the T didnt catch it either. After I left the marriage, I required letters from both because of the mess my H made with the IRS (back taxes issue) he totally ignored the letter from the IRS because he had no idea what to do & never told me about the letter but the back taxes were on MY inheritance money. Anyway the letters from our PDOC especially indicated that he knew there was something more wrong with my H than just adult ADD but that he ignored the suggestion to go to a neuroligist for testing. To this day he is still sticking his head in the sand about finding out what more is wrong. He went a year without paying the house payment & CLAIMED he didn't realize it had been that long...like late notices didn't give him a clue?

When I first left & went to a new T in the state I moved to & was explaining ALL I had dealt with throughout my marriage the furst thing he said was, "I can't diagnose without him being here BUT those behaviors all seem very much like Asperger's".

It was actually several years later after he let the house go into foreclosure the first time that I actually bought an oytstanding guide to Aspergers & started researching the behaviors. I checked off almist every behavior as being something I experienced in him or his mom saidvabout him as a kid. What really hit me was that these behaviors actually explained my own dad perfectly too. No wknder why I had thought this was NORMAL in all marriages but it was very aggrivating to me because my personality wasn't easy going like my mom & I had little time or patience with my career life to deal with it. I wanted a team marriage unlike that of my parents & spelled it out before the wedding in hopes he wouldbget the picture of my requirements & back out before the wedding. I saw the red flage but thoyght if I set the ground rules up front he will either get them or decide he didn't want that kind of marriage. He actually agreed to EVERYTHING. Come to find out, he didnt understand the meaning of what I said & was sure I would change after we got married. Dealing with him was like banging my head into a block wall for 33 years ehich waswhy I hid out im my career & enjoyed working 80 hour weeks to avoud being around him only enoygh to find out what messes I needed to clean up while at work.

Spectrum issues like thisvare ALL DIFFERENT. Each one is unique but it is impirtant to understand your uniwue situation & determine if it is really something you can deal with long term. Being friends is a lit different than living with it 24/7 in one's life....but we also have our own different toletance levels which all play a part in the success or failure of the relationship in regards to dealing with those difficult behaviors.