Sorry, I don't know how to hide this post with a trigger warning so I put it in the subject line.

I know why people in mixed states kill themselves. I cannot break free. I'm so high and drop so low and my skin feels like it's buzzing. My brain can't slow down and mostly I feel nothing but the racing and irritability. I can't sit still. I think I'm depressed and manic and it's like depression on speed. I am getting some sleep but I'm waking up several times during the night.

I saw my dr yesterday and he said he's taking me off Trintellix and lowered my Vyvanse but these things aren't going to help immediately or quickly and thinking I'm going to be like this for a while longer is unbearable. I can't go to the hospital right now. There's too much at stake at home.

I am glad we don't have any firearms in our house.