I was mentioning to my hubby this morning that I haven't felt especially happy (Well, maybe I mean mildly hypomanic at the least) for more time than I can remember. I don't know. A year? Anyway, I have been what one could consider "stable" during this year, perhaps more often than not. But various triggers have pushed me down for a while for periods, as well.

It was almost one year ago that my pet parrot of 15 years died. Obviously that pushed my mood downward. Then in June of last year my close nephew committed suicide. I managed to get back on track maybe six weeks later, then I got depressed around Thanksgiving. I was OK through Christmas and New Years, but now am experiencing a low again perhaps triggered by the retirement of my therapist of 4.5 years. I want a break!

I need my support system. I have my hubby and psychiatrist. That's pretty much all now that my therapist is stopping her practice. I am not in the right mood to start a new therapy relationship. Sometimes my brother visits me (maybe every 3 months), but my dad hardly even calls me. I hardly ever talk to my sister either, even though they all live within 35 mins of me by car. And yet, I can't get myself to call them either. I just don't want to. My dad never wants to talk to me when my mood is low. My sister doesn't really need it either, especially since her son died. So I just now have my hubby and psychiatrist.

But I feel bad even saying my mood is plummeting to my hubby and psychiatrist. For hubby, I feel he just needs this to stop so he can enjoy life better long-term. For my psychiatrist, I don't know. It's hard to explain why I don't want to tell him. Maybe because in a way I regard him as a second father. I see him much more than I see my own father.