tell him the telephone is broken, but you really need to speak to him

then he'll have to talk to you another way

it's not as daft as it sounds... last week, I had issues with my tv provider, and I do have issues talking on the phone (especially to big companies), and they told me to fix this issue, I needed to call them.

well, I lied through my teeth... I don't have access to my telephone at the moment, and won't for a few weeks- and I need this sorted

it took a lot of arguing, and quite a few harsh words, but eventually they sorted something with management where I could do it via email (like one off, for me) just this one time only.

score!