i can totally relate to your situation, i constantly torture myself with 'if i had a job i'd be ok' i have periods of being well, at these times i forget how ill i become , i'm not consistantly well so i couldn't hold a regular job down, my mind seeks to destroy me. is anyone telling you you have to return to work? i know i'm the only one who tells me i have to work ,yet the mental chatter goes on. i have also physical problems too, i feel that no employer would give me a job, i'm not strong enough to work for myself so i stay on my benefits but feel frustrated at my situation, it is a stuck position which i feel is a reason for my recurrent depressions. i've done lots of therapy and did as i was told ,and took responsibility for my actions, what that did was to blame myself for being ill!! now i see that society /employers with its discriminationary attitudes are the real culprits, . i believe that when i'm well enough i won't be asking the question ,'if i had a job i'd be ok'---i'd go out and get one, take care