It's just that I don't have enough energy yet (?) to counter the extreme stress of attempting to do so.

I guess sometimes I naturally get a little bit of energy yes but that's so little, it's so far behind what I'd like to do.

And so I get increasingly more and more deeply bothered by that. And that might make things even harder. Bad catch-22-ish cycle I suppose.

Let me know if you don't want me to talk about this though, I'm not sure if you have this part of the problem too.

This we definitely share though: "It seems like it should as now I live like a Stoic. But I feel sad beyond words." And when I think of going back to stoic mode (I used to be very detached and I decided that was not good either), it doesn't seem like a solution either, just seems like an even worse direction somehow... feels like I'd be losing sight of certain goals. Important goals actually, without those I see not much point in life.