Quote:
Originally Posted by DechanDawa
I checked out your blog. Nice. I could go into a whole discussion about #metoo movement...but I won't. Too tiring. Any movement is going to have some...shadows. But overall I think it was needed...and timely. It was time.
I am very interested in what you said about there being a reason I always end up...uncaught...as it were. It is not like I have not tried to get help. I was actually extremely shocked last year that month after month I was telling a mental health professional that I had suicidal ideation...and was expected to cope with that all alone. It was truly a shock for me as I did not know this was a reality in the world of medical mental health. But there are so many others on this site in a similar position. Unless you are actually in the act or in the planning of the act...you are left on your own. Incredible.
Mental health care is abominable. So far I have found this site and all the wisdom of its members invaluable.
As you probably know by now...I do believe coping well requires breaking the back of addictions. If I were engaging in all my former addictions I would be...I think in a very bad place right now. In way more pain...
I still feel...a deep emptiness...that's pretty problematic. I guess I have pretty deep existential angst. Maybe I am just permanently melancholic.
Hope you are well today.  |
Hmm this... (I didn't read all posts yet sorry)
So, this... I might find a goal for now in breaking this mental addiction thingy I have. It's not your typical addiction but it does get in the way of doing much else all that much. But also because it acts as distraction against having to experience the incredible negative stress/emotionality that I'd otherwise have... Uh like I tried to stay away from it yesterday and it was a terrible few hours and then when I got back to it I was instantly detached from the actual world and feeling good that way.
I said it's not your typical addiction. It's not addiction to food or alcohol or whatever. It's a weird mental thing. But yeah, I'd like to work on getting rid of it fully. Reading your post was good somehow, remembering that I have moments of the same determination. But then I run out of energy against that stress stuff, I go back to the detachment with the addiction and then it (that feeling determination) is gone...
PS: do let me know if you don't want me talk about my issues here. I just wondered if it helps you hearing about stuff from someone who's got similar experiences/is going through very similar things.