Session yesterday. Weird and awkward. Or, weirder and awkwarder than usual.

Blondie in full Valentine's attire -- when I commented on it, she said she likes dressing up for different things (Valentine's, St. Patrick's Day and so on) and likes celebrating these things.

I then pointed out to her (with no tact as I later realized) that she was though hanging out with clients all day (she works pretty much all day Wednesdays) despite caring (and apparently planning) about the holiday (I didn't tell her I find it rather disturbing that she could care so much about such incredible commercial claptrap). She replied that her husband came home with flowers, she made a cake for her kids and she'll see her husband later (and that apparently he thinks it's a women's holiday and she thinks that smacks of sexism although he's not a sexist guy or whatever).

And, then came the fun part -- I was feeling a bit ornery. So, I told her that therapy requires this weird balancing act (given her emphasis on attachment) -- I need to believe enough that my family crap / emotional experiences can be corrected via therapy / my relationship with her but I can't actually take therapy / her to be so much of a substitute that I forget she's my therapist and not some golden replacement for my family.

She started out trying to be empathetic but getting it dead wrong on what was bothering me -- E.g. Saying that her talking about baking a cake for her kids would be upsetting to me (good gawd, no, I am convinced her family like most others in my mind is a pit of seething resentment and a smorgasboard of dysfuctionalities i.e., I can't imagine any family being otherwise, really).

At some point, when I swatted away all her attempts at understanding what was bugging me, I could see her kinda getting defensive and irritated and she came out with this "Obviously, it's (therapy) not a perfect substitute". I resisted the temptation to roll my eyes and respond with "Obviously".

I left, pissed. At some point, I saw that she'd obviously checked out of the conversation emotionally and was just trying very hard to arrange her facial features into this mask of "I care very much / how sad / etc". Which just really pisses me off all the more.

I suppose I'm an arse for who therapy can only work every once in a ******* while.