I'm not ashamed of BP, though of course it would be nicer if I didn't. But I am concerned about repercussions in my career, and rejection or negative reaction from friends and family that I won't be able to handle.

I felt full to bursting with it at first, and many times still do, but I try to hold myself back. You never know what kind of reaction you will get.

I've told a close friend, my brother, and a cousin. My brother and cousin were great. They know our family and even though no one else is diagnosed, well, when you point it out it's pretty obvious. My friend has a poorer understanding and though she acts out of caring, it's difficult for me. She keeps pushing meditation books on me and suggesting that once I'm done with this "episode" maybe I won't need medication.

Not to say that meditation isn't good (when the monkey inside my head isn't screaming) but clearly not gonna cut it alone! I think she feels like if I have this condition I'm somehow defective and she want's to prove it's not the case.

I don't think I'm defective. This is just the way my brain is set up. It's not convenient, but would I be me without it? I don't know. Don't think I'd want to chance it to find out, even if it were an option. Hate the lows and the crazy drama, but some of the adventure has been amazing.

Uh oh, response turned into flight of ideas.... figures.