I'm trying to decide whether to end couples counseling, largely because I don't personally like the therapist and I think it is hurting our relationship, even though my wife really wants to continue with this specific therapist because she feels supported and heard in a way she normally doesn't.

We've been married for 14 years-together for 18, with kids between the ages of 6 and 13. There has been drama the whole time with family, neighbors, friends, and between us as well. There are good parts, but things are very up and down all the time. We had the same MFT therapist for ~5 years on and off before moving ~5 years ago, and in our new city we've seen ~4 different MFT therapists prior to the current MD. My wife is generally acknowledged to suffer from depression and anxiety, and has a tendency to end up in high-intensity confict with people around her. The first 4 MFT therapist were all people I understood and got along reasonably well with, and was able to take some personal advice from. The 4th recommended my wife to a specialist who diagnosed her with BPD, and she went through 3-4 months of a DBT program with medication before rejecting the diagnosis and quitting the program and all medication. 3-4 months after that she started talking about suicide seriously, and we started seeing an MD therapist that doesn't believe in drugs or BPD, and who only sees couples together.

This was ~5 months ago, and while he convinced her to stop talking about suicide, everything else is the same. In counseling, while he pays lip-service to the idea that everyone's perspective matters, my wife and I both pretty much think that he takes her side, which from my perspective is "do whatever she wants". I've tried that to the limits of my ability, and it didn't result in stability or happiness, though I'll admit I'm not perfect. I've spent many many hours listening to her talk about her upset and pain over the course of the years, and I still try, but I'm finding it harder and harder, particularly when there is a request to disrupt our lives by moving or cutting someone out.

I was trying to keep this simple and it is getting away from me. The bottom line to me is that her happiness and emotional stability seems to depend on the people around her (extended family, neighbors, and friends) changing to meet her expectations. The therapist seems to be supporting the idea that to be "truly married" I should give her what she wants, and accept her desire to exclude anyone who disagrees with her from our lives. My attempts to set boundaries around yelling and time spent discussing her upset and hurt feelings is labeled as controlling and possibly emotionally abusive (e.g. because I criticize 1) the yelling, 2) the high-conflict style, and 3) the focus on hurt feelings. I'm also apparently emotionally abusive for "stonewalling" by ending conversations after 30-90 minutes of discussing her upset. There is no question of physical abuse as I would not and have not ever hit or physically attacked anyone).

I'm torn between the urge to stay far away from a situation where I feel attacked and devalued, and supporting the mother of my children in getting something that she says helps her immensely and keeps her from talking about suicide (e.g. support and agreement about her upset and pain from the therapist that she doesn't get from me, her parents, or mostly anyone else).

Any thoughts would be appreciated, or let me know if there is a better place to post this or something similar.