I’ve done a few years now of obsessive reading about psychology and other’s posts on here, trying to learn for myself about exactly what you seek. I’ve seen people post here who say they have sought treatment and were diagnosed with either BPD or NPD.

My mother sounds like she has NPD and is histrionic. She would NEVER go to therapy, and would not say there is anything wrong with her. She never turns her anger in toward herself, which I think is a trait of BPD. I do turn it all in toward myself. I did go seeking any therapy that might help me, but none did.