The suicide rate being so high for bipolar patients, would indicate that bipolar is very frequently a terminal illness. Someone with bipolar that ends their life, by succumbing to their disease or condition, is to be considered a terminal patient by definition. These are only the diagnosed ones, those who have sought help, the known bipolar patients.
And I've dealt with SI for 35 years. I know it well. I'm not seeking death as a way out of it any more, because life has things that are worth my time. Life is time. Living is what you do with your time. I need to live better. Somehow, I equate love with being alive, and though I have a lot of it to give, I don't know where to give it. I feel Lost, truly, in a whirl of possibilities and with a compass that never worked.
I'm going to have to help that seven year old me first, through the CEN, through the molestations, through the bullies, through everything that's managed to mangle me and entangle me, before I know what true Joy is. I seek guidance, but am noticing that nobody has one damn clue what they are doing any more than I do.
I'll be alone. I'll be broken.
It's ok.